This is How a Reading Slump Feels

Or, rather, how readers feel when they’re in a reading slump. Eh – whatever. I’m sure you got the idea.

funny pictures - Giant Chinese finger trap, not sew much fun awkshully.

First, you feel a little trapped. You feel like you should finish the book, but after several more pages of anguish and angst and general craptastic reading times, you wish you’d busted out of that sitch a long time ago. You wish you’d –gasp– DNFed the thing. Somebody may have tried to warn you, your own instincts maybe, but you didn’t listen, did you? Nuh uh!

Funny Pictures - Cat Gifs

Finally! You’re free! But you started another book, and another, and they’re just not working for you either. The feelings of anguish and angst aren’t going away. You have strange inclinations of rolling on the floor and clutching your hair after tossing the book at the dog to chew on. You are probably getting rug burn.

funny pictures - your stapler has an angry

You’ve done your part, you really have. You’re on book ten and it’s all feeling like utter crap on toast, these reads. Anguish and angst are in the initial stages of morphing into full-on anger and resentment. Suddenly, your favorite color is no longer serene blue, it’s red hot….red! The urge to bite something is strong. Your current uneventful reading choice looks tasty. You wrestle it away from the dog.

funny pictures - I'm a little teapot, short and stout Here is my handle, here is my spout...

Life is beginning to have no meaning. You see strange visions and things that aren’t really there. At this point, people who “care” about you are doing what they call “interventions”, but their words have no meaning, only their kaleidoscope eyes enrapture you now.

funny pictures - THE CAT IS CLOSED. HE WILL REOPEN AT 9 P.M.

You hit rock bottom. But this means you finally get some sleep. It is the sleep of the exhausted, the oppressed. The clinically insane. You twitch from time to time.

funny pictures - dis...  dis juss rong.

When you finally wake up, someone will have done this to you. But you only have yourself to blame.

funny pictures of cats with captions

But then something mysterious (and remains mysterious forevah and evah) happens…and you start to pull through! You clean up all the torn book pages the dog has gone through. The place is starting to look a lot like a reading den again. You even make coffee and bake yourself some treats.

funny pictures - Kewl... I can make it rain sideways.

You start another book and within a couple of chapters, you feel the ‘ole spark. This could be the one! You start to feel…a little invincible.

Funny Pictures - Goggies R Owr Friends
Soon you are done with a book and you liked it SO SO MUCH! It might be the BEST BOOK EVER! NO — IT IS. This FEELING, it’s like….like dogs and cats living together in the happiest world ever imagined! Everything feels new and fresh and tastes 100% better than the cheesecake and burritos you consumed for nourishment during your two month tap dance through reading hell.

Congratulations! Enjoy your HEA.

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20 comments

  1. Aww. That was adorable. LOL

    I hear ya on the reading slump, though. I had one of those for a while. Took me almost a year to get back in the mood to read again. Lately I’ve been devouring everything in sight. I’ve already read about twice as many books this year as I finished last year.

    <3,
    -J

    • LOL, any excuse for LOL Cats! :D Glad your reading this year is going so well! It seems like I read less and less every year.

  2. I started on 5 books in 2 days and I DNFed them all within 30 pages. 2 were self-published, 2 exclusively epublished and one print publisher aka traditionally.

    Ugh. Call me catepillar.

    • Heehee, that’s what we’ll do when we ask about how our reading is going now. “Just call me caterpillar” and we’ll know exactly what’s going on. ;)

  3. I’m a readaholic. I cannot go without my fix. That’s why I have all these lovely keeper books, where I can take refuge after hitting the proverbial wall. What I hate the most is trying a book that everyone else is raving about and hating it within minutes. What I love is discovering a new author (preferably with a loooong back list!) that helps me reclaim that loving feeling.

    • I’ve got keeper books, too, and would love to reread some of them, but if I do, I feel guilty about all the new ones I need to get to as well lol. I can’t win and it’s my fault. :D

  4. That was a lovely post. And thanks to you I am feeling GREAT at the moment. I just finished Thea Harrisons “Dragon Bound”. I started seeing it everywhere on the internet about a month ago. I read reviews, but was still undecided when your post came up. I found I had to give it a try. It made my morning and I can’t wait for the next. Now I can sit down and study without much grumbling ;)

    • Yaaaay! I’m so glad you liked Dragon Bound! I’m like you, cannot wait for the next one. Well, and I can at the same time. August is actually not too far away. :D

  5. Ohhhhhh KMont….have you struck a chord! The shlump is just awful to behold…some books I’ve tried in in a desperate attempt to shake things up actually make me cringe when I think back on them; they were sooooo bad!

    It’s at this point that I usually break out some older Linda Howard’s (McKenzie’s…YEAH!!!!) and reacquaint myself with a good read….

    • Exactly! That’s what my keepers are for: to wash away the bad taste of an awful book.

      • Hi to you too!! Trying to get back into that thing they call “staying in touch” : )

        • Oh hon, I know what you mean. It’s so hard, and then when you’re as far apart as we are, it’s not any easier. Just so you know, I still think about you all the time! :) I do miss our group.

  6. Best story ever!

    I’m not in a reading slump, but a genre slump. PNR and UF. I’m really hoping Magic Slays can bump me out of it…

    All the best for your slump. I’m delving into fantasy ATM, currently it’s Michelle West’s House War! Love me some Michelle West/Sagara :)

  7. I’m in a slump right now! Its HORRIBLE!!! Urgh, its mostly a romance slump cus all of the UF or SciFi, I’m reading is still kicking it.

    I just finished Elizabeth Hoyt’s To Seduce a Sinner, and it was SO wonderful. I believe it may have ruined me for other romance books. At least that was what I thought was the source of my anguish, that the other books just can’t compare to Elizabeth Hoyt’s.

    So imagine my surprise, and fury, when I picked up her new book, Notorious Pleasures and experienced…nothing. Nada. Zilch.

    I was so devastated. I tried to like it, I really did, but in the end, I think I tried to eat it cus it wasn’t doing its job properly. So might as well.

    Ok, so I didn’t, but still… my poor disappointed heart can’t handle anymore flops. I’m rereading all my old favorites from Lisa Kleypas or Susan Elizabeth Phillips, and its slowly healing my wounds.

    But I’m afraid to pick up something new. I know. Blasphemy. But…What if I hate it? What if its terrible? OMG, what if its BORING?! Perish the thought!

    Maybe I need a break from it all, I’ve decided to quit reading for awhile and just sit on my bottom and watch Drama’s all day.

    (Note to Self: Buy North & South)

    Unless someone would like to stop me by reminding me of the wonderful virtues of books, I’m going to leave my unresponsive one true love for the sleek eye-catching rival in my living room…

    HEA…?

  8. Pingback: Lurv’s 2011 Mid Year Roundup | Lurv a la Mode

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