A BASIC FIELD GUIDE TO SURVIVING FAERIE
(Or, Things That Will Kill You If Annoyed)
Faerie is full of things! That’s good. Almost all of these things will happily squash you like a ladybug if you annoy them. That’s bad. The following list is intended to assist you in not getting squashed. Good luck out there.
-The Summerlands Tourism Board.
“Your Grisly Death Is Not Our Fault.”
These pointy-eared descendants of Titania and Oberon think they’re in charge of everything. The problem is, they’re frequently right.
Found in: Royal courts, positions of power.
Identified by: Pointy ears, vividly colored hair, annoyingly good looks.
Probability they’ll kill you: High.
Defend yourself with: Good manners and flattery. Lots of flattery.
TUATHA DE DANNAN.
They’re stalwart. They’re honorable. They’re polite. They’re extremely boring at parties. But they’re less likely to kill you than the Daoine Sidhe, so that’s something.
Found in: Dress uniform, most of the time.
Identified by: Stern expressions, pointy ears, tendency to teleport.
Probability they’ll kill you: Moderate.
Defend yourself with: A note from Miss Manners stating that you should be allowed to live.
You thought a cat with thumbs would be bad? Picture a cat with human intelligence and the power to shapeshift. Now give it tight leather pants. You’re screwed.
Found in: Dark alleys, sunbeams, your kitchen.
Identified by: Feline eyes, claws, wicked senses of humor.
Probability they’ll kill you: Depends on their mood.
Defend yourself with: Gooshy food and catnip.
Found in: Produce aisles, public parks, wasps’ nests.
Identified by: Dragonfly wings, tendency to glow, being four inches tall.
Probability they’ll kill you: Low.
Defend yourself with: A flyswatter.
Cats and dogs are natural enemies. Sadly, no one told these fae canines that, and they keep trying to make friends with the Cait Sidhe. Poor bastards.
Found in: Dog parks, backyards, playing ball with small children.
Identified by: Shaggy hair, pronounced canines, a desire to play ball.
Probability they’ll kill you: Very low.
Defend yourself with: A stick. Throw the stick. Now hide.
There’s something on the wing of the plane! Sadly, this means there’s also something in the engine, and probably something messing with the landing gear. We’ll miss you.
Found in: Auto shops, smithies, factories, on the wing of your plane.
Identified by: Green skin, orange eyes, oil-stained fingers.
Probability they’ll kill you: On purpose? Extremely low. By mistake? We-ell…
Defend yourself with: Something interesting for them to take apart while you run.
The Tylwyth Teg are natural alchemists, which makes them fantastic gardeners and dangerous cooks. Never let a Tylwyth Teg fix you a cup of tea. Not if you enjoy being bipedal, anyway.
Found in: Gardens, greenhouses, herbalist shops.
Identified by: Golden hair, big blue eyes, and a fondness for mercury.
Probability they’ll kill you: High.
Defend yourself with: A strange and interesting new plant. We advise an Audrey II.
Skin-shifters who spend half their time lounging around on beaches, and the other half as seals, the Selkies are easy-going to the max. Which doesn’t explain their fondness for drowning people.
Found in: The water.
Identified by: Undefined pupils, dampness, webbed fingers.
Probability they’ll kill you: On land, low, in the water, extremely high.
Defend yourself with: Surfing magazines or raw fish.
You know the Thing? Like, from the Fantastic Four? Yeah, that. Only not orange.
Found in: Caves, the space under bridges, taxi cabs.
Identified by: Being massive and made of rock.
Probability they’ll kill you: They’re pretty laid-back, so while the probability is high, it won’t be intentional.
Defend yourself with: Staying far, far away.
The Little Mermaid is part of our world here in Faerie. And she’s not happy about it.
Found in: The ocean.
Identified by: The fins.
Probability they’ll kill you: Ever tried to pet a piranha?
Defend yourself with: A bigger boat. Or staying out of the damn water.
We here at the Summerlands Tourism Board hope you’ll enjoy your stay in the lands of Faerie, and survive to tell your friends. If not, well…
You can’t say we didn’t warn you.
For your convenience, the author has written a few, more detailed guides on surviving faerie, and one particular fae’s efforts in doing so. To learn from October Daye’s own lessons, adventures, mistakes and triumphs, consider the following (and click the covers to read reviews):
Winners! We have winners! Apologoes, everyone, for being late in announcing them. It was a busy weekend. Without further ado, the two winners are:
Lysana and Avalon!
Congratulations! Emails have been sent! Thank you everyone for entering, and thank you, Ms. McGuire for your awesome advice on surviving fairy!
Giveaway Details Closed
1. Open to U.S. and International. International folks – please make sure your country is on Book Depository’s list of countries they ship to for free! Free shipping helps me save a lot of greenbacks.
2. Two winners will each have the chance to win one Seanan McGuire paperback title of their choosing.
3. Entering is simple – just tell us which species of faerie described above you’d: like or hate to be/like the sound of/want to date and introduce to the family/you get the idea.
4.Giveaway open from March 14, 2010 till March 18 atmidnight, eastern U.S. time.
5. Need further incentive to give the books a try? I think this series happens to be one of the most unique and entertaining in urban fantasy today.
6. That’s all you get – go forth and enter!